Disappointment is an inevitability in every aspect of life, and everyone will face it in one way or another during college. A lower-than-wanted test score, not making it into the ideal program or internship, relationship misfortunes, whatever. It will happen. The key is in what you do next. Here are some tips.

Learn lessons, but don’t dwell on it

Consider failure as a teacher and not as a punisher. Look for lessons you can glean from the experience and assess how you might apply them to future endeavors.

Consider what you could have done differently, but also what was simply outside of your control. Don’t let disappointments degrade your sense of self-worth. The circumstances of your life are not your fault, but you can choose how to respond to them. Many times, the choice to continue after failure is what matters.

At the same time, momentum is important. There’s not much value in dwelling on past disappointments (and I am speaking from experience). What has been done can’t be undone. Consider whether you need to modify your strategies, acquire new skills, or seek additional resources to increase your chances of success in the future. Learn the lessons of the past, as best you can, then let it go.

You might reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or mentor who can provide guidance, encouragement, or at least give support during difficult times. Talking about your experiences and feelings can help you gain perspective and find new strategies for the future.

Keep a long-term perspective, be ready to adjust

It’s a well-worn cliché to say that failure is a part of life, but all clichés are drawn from truth. (Honestly, a lot of what I have to say could conceivably be found on a stereotypical breakroom poster. There is value in these lessons, even if they are somewhat trite). Consider disappointment as a stage in your personal growth. 

In that vein, remain focused on your goals. Eventually, when you look back, your setbacks will just be detours on the path. It may be necessary to reassess your goals, or perhaps to just reassess your approach. You might have learned that something you aspired to is not so valuable, or not realistic. You may need to define your goals more precisely, or take some time to evaluate what really matters and what doesn’t. 

Sometimes, it may unfortunately be true that a door is closed. In that case, look for other doors. Your path may only be apparent in retrospect, so the important thing is to keep moving. If you are really struggling, you might take a step back and consider what you have to be grateful for, if for no other reason than to remind yourself that disappointment is not the end of the world. Ultimately, try to be kind to yourself and remember that, whatever anyone else might think, you are the only one who fully understands what you’ve been through.

In real life, there is rarely any sort of ‘happily ever after.’ There will always be more challenges, and disappointment is an inalienable part of life. Finding a way towards a healthy combination of flexibility and fortitude can help you face up to almost anything.